If we’ve learnt anything over the last few years, it’s that cats and the internet go together like Crocs and the immediate disdain of your peers. We don’t know what ‘it’ is, but cats have got ‘it’, and one of them in particular is riding that wave straight to the bank via our vulnerable, lonely hearts.
Grumpy Cat (real name Tardar Sauce) is a feline from Arizona USA that made it big after a video of her as a kitten was posted online, and since hitting the big time the one-and-a-half-year-old cat has grown ever more grumpy, ever more demanding, and ever more non-chalant when it comes to using her litter tray.
The world’s greatest cat-lebrity is known for her sour, judgemental expression, eternal frown and hollow eyes that crush hope and deflate dreams faster than a scroll through Amanda Bynes’ Twitter account. According to science, Tardar Sauce’s faceÂ appears grumpy because of feline dwarfism and an underbite. According to Grumpy Cat, she is how she is because it’s none of your business.Â Me-ow.
There is one thing she wants to share with you though, and it’s her new bookÂ Grumpy Cat: A Grumpy Book. Yes, Grumpy Cat is an author now. The book is filled with activities, classic quips, snarky put-downs, and all the photos you ever wanted of Grumpy Cat doing grumpy things. She has nearly a million fans on Facebook, over 90,000 Twitter followers, was profiled in the Wall Street Journal, has appeared on a number of TV shows, and was named the Most Important Cat of 2012 by Buzzfeed. So naturally she was unimpressed she had to do this interview for Yen. But, it’s not 2012 anymore, Tardar Sauce, so get to work or Bubs is going to claim the Buzzfeed title for 2013.
We asked if you had any questions for Grumpy Cat and you sent them in. Without further ado, here are her scathing responses to your pitiable human questions.
U mad? I ainâ€™t mad bro. Iâ€™m grumpy.
How do you feel about catnip? False advertisement.
What’s the meaning of it all? If you are asking a grumpy cat about that, you should probably just give up.
What happened to the last person who told you to “turn that frown upside-down”? Youâ€™ll never find them.
What do you dream about? Rainy days and Mondays.
Are you supportive of the Ginger Pride movement? If you enjoy eating ginger root, then by all means be proud, just leave me out of it.
Do you believe all red heads are crazy? No, but I think all humans might be.
Have you ever experienced stomach pain from eating too much dried fruit? Fruit and I have never met.
Which is the lesser of two evils – roller blades or razor scooters? Both are great when potholes or gravel are involved.
Do horizontal stripes make me look fat? (question from Holly Edmunds) What do stripes have to do with it?
Do you like spicy food? No, but I like my quips peppered with cynicism.
Why are you so grumpy? Each day I wake up on the wrong side of my round bed.
Which is your preference: fried rice or live mice? Letâ€™s split the difference and say fried mice.
Head rub or belly rub? Touch me and there will be consequences.
Do cats really have nine lives? From your experience, do you become more happy with wisdom gained, or less so? The grump is deeply rooted. There is no room for happiness.
What makes you happy? Or anything close to being happy? Iâ€™m drawing a blank here.
How do you feel about Anne Hathaway? Meh.
Whatâ€™s your favourite McDonaldâ€™s burger? The McNo.
What do you think of Karl Lagerfeldâ€™s cat Choupette? I donâ€™t.
Which other internet cat would you want to be friends with? Iâ€™d like to find out what Nyan cat was eating before that video was made.
Who is your favourite action hero and why? Mister T. because he enjoys pitying things.
Do you believe in aliens? I live in the Arizona desert; we see them all the time.
Are you an alien? Why do you ask? Who have you been talking to? Is it time?
Can we adopt you? Nope. Iâ€™m already taken.
Are you a boy or a girl? Are you single?Â I am an unattached female.
Will you go on a date with this fine cat below, Agent Gibbs? Does Agent Gibbs drive? If so, then maybe.
Grumpy Cat: A Grumpy BookÂ is out now through Hardie Grant. See our very comprehensive Grumpy Cat gallery below, complete with grumpy quotes.