Melbourne's Gertrude Art Space presents an aural smorgasboard of one hundred sound works by one hundred artists from the 21st century. Brought to you as part of the a.ma.z.i.n.g Melbourne International Arts Festival, this show employs the work of noise artists like the UK's Neil Campbell; US group Nitsch no Neck Blues Band; the abtruse Sunn O))) and legendary Sonic Youth to illustrate the depth and breadth of contemporary experimental music. I'm pretty bummed that I can't go because the set-up sounds rad; 100 headphones dangling from the ceiling for you to bring to your curious ears. 21:100:100 can be veiwed/ heard  until November 11. To put you in the mood, here's some straight up drone from Sunn O))).

Sometimes I go off sydney a bit , Like "Why am I still here? Waah, it's so boring, whine" etc. These rants usually happen in winter and then summer rolls around and I invariably remember that I'm still here because there's actually some cool stuff to be had - like checking out a free wednesday night gig from Jack Ladder and Rand and Holland, or rolling lavender between your palms during a sunny afternoon at the botanic gardens, or (this month at least) stepping just out of the city bustle and into Hyde park to gorge on some fresh-made treats at the Good Food Month Night Noodle Markets. Arguably one of the most popular events on the Good food Month calendar, the noodle markets see stalls from various local restaurants smattered around the northern end of Hyde park; offering everything from slurp-friendly noodle broths to japanese okonomiyaki to himalayan kebabs and, for afters, sticky mango rice. YUM!! The offerings are also pretty wallet friendly at around the $10 mark - meaning you'll have cold beer change to spare. The Night noodle Markets are on mon-fri, 5pm-9pm until October 19.

So, I'm feeling a little fragile today (long story) and between bouts locking myself in the toilet and crying I remebered a guide my little NZ friend Dijnous wrote about feeling better when you are sad. And cue:

Go home and roll around on your bed and have a weep. It's good for you!
Make sure your room is tidy while this is happening. Messy rooms= bad feng shui and you'll never stop crying.
THEN
Go have a shower, or a bath. Use some nice products you have. Smell good.
Get out. Put on confortable pyjamas.
Sit on your bed and survey your pristine bedroom.
Find a laptop. Or if you have a TV in your room this is great.
Then
Go to the kitchen. Make some food. If you have Mi Goreng TWO THUMBS UP. If you don't, make your favourite. No fruit or vege shit.
Make a hot or cold chocolate in a massive jug. Find a nice mug.
Get in your room. Find a table or a hard flat surface to put your treats on. A chocolate bar might be a good idea for after your noodles/yourchoiceofgoodfood is finished.
You must be able to lie down and eat at the same time. Sort it out.
Put the OC into the dvd player. Start from the beginning!
Watch as much as you like. It'll make you feel better because no matter how fucked your life is it's never gonna be as fucked as Ryan's.
When you get tired of the OC get under your covers.
Find your favourite Harry Potter book, if you haven't read them, shame on you.
Start from the beginning then.
It's the same concept with Harry Potter.
NO ONE i repeat NO ONES LIFE sucks as much as Harry's. He was born destined to die.
Anyway I reckon the best thing to do is read/watch til you fall asleep.

Over and out.
Afterwards if you ever feel like crying just start singing the California song really loud.

Thank you Dijnous!!

(watching my boy Morrissey dance always helps too)

but this is pretty hilar.

Melbourne's Outre Gallery presents a double-banger showcase from US artists Keith Wessner & Derek Yaniger. Well respected in the american low-brow art scene, both artists work in the retro style so beloved of Outre. Yaniger "paints like it's 1959" in a sharp graphic style reminiscent old-school gents magazines, tiki kitsch and bongo beat posters, While Weesner (a member of the Burbank choppers) is a hot-rod fanatic with a softly painted, vintage pin-up style. His work appears frequently in the pages of American, english and Japanese hot-rod rags. The show opens on Friday October 17 and runs until november five.

The best things in life are those that pop up out of the blue; visits from old friends, flower deliveries, unexpected windfalls, new lovers in the face of a man drought (keep the faith ladies) and... rad shops that just suddenly appear one day. The Grand Social is one such store; taking it's cues from projects like London's Dover Street Markets and NYC's Den, The Grand Social is a shop that's due temporarily to "pop-up" on Oxford Street this month. Opening its doors from October 22 - 26 only, the store will act as a market place for Australian and New Zealand designers such as Nathan Smith, Chronicles of Never, GRAZ, myPetSquare, Zoemou, Matt Weston, Ruby Smallbone, AppleGator, ZM925, Anna & Boy, Trimapee, The Academee Brand, Deadly Ponies, POL, Hyrows, A.T.G, bec & bridge, Sewn and Elsom. Phew! To make this four-day shopping experience just that wee bit more exciting, The Grand Social will also unveil their Black Summer Collection - a super limited range of black, summer pieces made in collaboration with Ruby Smallbone, Zoemou, GRAZ, myPetsQuare, Oscar & Elvis and Deadly Ponies. Oh and they'll also be holding events and giving things away - just as we are; flick me an email (go on) telling me what you have planned for summer and you may just find a $100 Grand social voucher in your hot little hand. The grand social can be found at 461 Oxford street, Paddington.

Oh yes, i saw those eyes light up! If you like yourself some dance music then you're going to be all over the Stereosonic festival. Hitting capital cities this November, the outdoor event boasts some fun-in-the-sun with Sneaky Sound System, Carl Cox, Paul Van Dyk, Booka Shade, PNAU, Midnight Juggernauts, Devlin and Darko (of Spank Rock fame), TV Rock, Tommie Sunshine and more, as well as more "chill" acts like Faker and lost Valentinos. Stereosonic is taking place in Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Brisbane and Adelaide and coz we're nice, we have double passes to give away to the Melbourne, Adelaide, Bribane and Perth shows! We also have tix to the Bookashade, carl Cox, Paul Van Dyk and Crookers satellite gigs in Sydney! Oh, we're also giving away 5 copies of Sneaky Sound System's new album!!! Wow - now all you need is cash for drinks, gozleme and other things! To win, simply email me and tell me your three festival essentials (be sure to include your nearest Sterosonic location). Happy times!